Innocence lost
by Chisis
Summary: A young teen looks for his innocence in four strangers. Part 2 of 2 up. Story finished.
1. The begining

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters of TRC. The narrator is from my own mind, however. 

Summery: A boy looks for innocence and sanity in four strangers.

* * *

I remember the day that I met them. At the time, I was only helping them to ease my guilt at almost letting her die. It was not until years later that I realized how much their presence impacted me. A young boy's foolishness, I guess.

* * *

"What? What is your name again?" 

The question, addressed to me, had the unmistakable feeling of disbelief in it. The man who asked it, a person in his fifties with large grew eyebrows, stared at me.

"Torin Uzoma." I hissed, not pleased with how the day was going. I wanted to add in a "Mefucker" but I didn't.

The man raised his eyebrows once more, but said nothing, turning to the computer desk, typing keys.

"And the full name on the account is-?" Now he was just pissing me off. "Torin Nadav Shira Zinan Uzoma."

"That's a long name." He had this look of superiority. The smug kind that made you want to smack him and break his nose. My fingers curled into a fist in my pocket.

"Yes it is."

I said nothing more, and the man took the hint. He turned to the computer once more, his eyes critically scanning over his work. Once pleased, he pushed out of his chair and went to the printers where a piece of paper slipped out. He scanned it one more time, than came over to me.

"All done. When you need the money, just go to one of the machines and press in your number." He handed a slip of paper over the counter.

I grabbed it, turning on my heels to walk out of the office. I did not say goodbye.

When I reached the front of the bank, the freezing cold bite into my skin reminding me of my mistake of forgetting my hat that morning. Cursing, my pulled my hood over my head. It did not help much, but anything was better than nothing in this weather. It was the middle of winter, a season that seemed to freeze time still. The streets and houses all around me were gray and lifeless. Nothing but the wind had the will to move.

I hate winter, always have, always will. The stillness of it all is uncomfortable, like the whole world is holding its breath for something to happen that never does.

My feet are on autopilot, and I began my trip back to my house, 20 minutes away on foot. I assumed the walk was going to be very uneventful. After all, it always was before.

The road that I had to walk along hardly ever had any cars, after all, hardly anyone ever came to this god-for-saken town. It was the kind of town with the 3 Es- everyone knows everything about everyone. The actual town was founded some one hundred fifty years ago because of the gold craze. It was assumed that it would grow into a prosperous city like some of the other boomers, especially with the mines that went deep. After all, it was a good place for a city-by a sea and a river, in between two large cities, four seasons, and mild weather for most of the year.

However, bad things befell the city which sent it into a slump that it has never been able to climb out of. The gold turned out to be false, the mines were good for a few decades but soon began to decline, eventually closing down. A highway was built a few miles away from town, so people bypassed the whole place altogether, no matter how big the advertising billboards were.

A few years before I was born, a curse came disguised as a blessing. One of the major companies of the city to the north of us came down and said they wanted to build one of their factories here. Many people were thrilled; the mayor, who's corrupt city might have a chance to redeem itself, the people laid off from the mines, everyone. After the project began, however, it backfired. The factory did not take any of the town's people, instead filling it up with their own employees. And we had no idea what the factory actually was for. That was very well classified, with government papers and other shit to back it up when people got suspicious.

In all, the town turned into a fucking wasteland, with the factory dominating the skyline. Adults turned to alcohol to ease their pain; kids turned to drugs and sex to ease their loneness. It was all one big giant circle of shit.

And I was stuck here. I hated it more than I hated winter.

With all of these things floating in and out of my mind, I almost missed them.

At first, my eyes were set on my feet, making sure I did not step on any ice. A voice woke me from my comatose state. I glanced up once, than had to glance again to make sure my eyes were not playing some sort of trick. That's happened before, when I was high. But not today.

I saw Sakura first or, since I did not know her name at the time, it was just some strange girl in stupid clothes. She looked really out of place, standing in the middle of the road like that. I remember thinking, 'She's pretty'. Indeed, she was. Green eyes, light brown hair, fair skin. She was rubbing her hands up and down over her bare arms, shivering.

I was so surprised at seeing her I did not see the car until it was about twenty feet away from her. Of course the one day there is someone in the middle of the road a car comes.

My mouth turned dry in an instant. The girl did not seem to hear the car and did not move. The idiot driving the truck was not inclined to slow down, and only honked the horn in an attempt to get her out of the street. It could have changed lanes, but that would have put it at a danger for swerving. At the sound of the honk, the girl swung her head around and screamed.

I closed my eyes and turned away quickly, not wanting to see the poor girl get run over. The next two seconds were the fucking scariest of my life; my mind envisioned the gruesome scene before as much as I tried not to think of it. Her frail body hitting the dashboard...flipping over the top...crashing down on the snow in a bloody mess, her pretty body sprawled out with her limbs all broken and bloody. The screech of a car reached my ears, her voice suddenly cut off, than the sound of tires burning rubber, speeding up...

I kept my eyes closed, thinking, 'Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, he did not stop, he did not stop, oh god, oh god, oh god.' She was dead. I was sure of it. The car was so close, and she did not move! The moment I turn my head around, there will be her body, the red blood staining the snow, spread out like the small animals that met the same fate-

"I'm fine, Syaoran-kun, thank you." A girl's voice.

My eyes snapped open; my head spun so sharply my neck hurt, and looked across the street.

She was alright. She was on a mound of snow, being held by some guy. The guy must have grabbed her in the nick of time from the car and pulled her out of the way. I ran over as quickly as I could, my legs had strangely turned to Jell-O.

"Are you o.k.?" I asked my voice shaky. Gosh was I scared. I felt sick. She had been so close to dieing-

The girl inclined to beautiful head up to look at me. That was the first time I really got a good look at her eyes.

She bit her lip, looking at the guy than back to me. She said nothing; her face was a mixture of curiosity and confusion. I reached down and pulled her up off the mound, than reached down and helped the guy who was holding her to him. His hand closed around mine, a really strong grip, I noticed. I pulled him up too-

That's when it dawned on me.

He was her savior. He looked to be my age with brown eyes. Cold brown eyes. My dark blue eyes looked away.

He had saved her.

I had looked away.

He had pulled her out of the path of the speeding car.

I had closed my eyes and prayed that the car would change lanes. I had not even so much as shouted out warning.

He was her fucking _hero_.

I don't remember what the guy ever said to me right after I pulled him up, for at that precise moment the enormity of what could have happened to this girl overwhelmed me and my stomach.

I turned around and vomited.

* * *

"Here we are." I said. 

My house is a sad sight. It follows the trend set by the rest of the town; two stories and half a basement, one separate garage, gray trimming, gray shutters on the windows. It has two bathrooms, one in the master bedroom, and one in the basement. A small front yard, a small back yard with hardly any trees. The overall plainness of it is memorizing at first because the eye keeps looking for something interesting that is not there.

I led the strange group trailing behind me to the back door, where I paused, stumbling for my keys with numb fingers.

Two other guys had joined after I had vomited for about five minutes. The tallest of them had black hair and creepy eyes. He had a huge, hulking body, obviously very powerful and capable of just about anything. His hands could have easily crushed my small head in them, an image I did not like. I liked the other man much more on account that he did not look as cruel. Long, fair hair and blue eyes, this man looked to have a kind nature. He smiled when he met me, and while he did not shake my hand on account of I had just finished with the last of upchucking, he did bow his head toward me.

I had no idea how these two wear related to the boy and the girl, but I did not question at the time, too cold.

I stumbled with the keys on account of two reasons:

1.) I was in shock at my sudden suggestion (it was more of an outburst, now that I look back) that they should all come to my home. To my greater shock, they accepted my whacked-up offer.

2.), I was only wearing a thin t-shirt with the words, "Holy Shit, it's getting crazy out there" printed in white letters across the front. It took me a long time, but I finally saw that none of these people were dressed appropriately for the cold. Both the girl and the boy were only wearing cut up shirts with weird designs on them. Being still in shock, I offered the girl my sweater and the boy my jacket since they were the closest to my size.

"Won't you be cold?" the girl asked.

"Nah, I walk around like this all the time." I must have said it convincingly, for she actually believed me.

It took me a little longer to convince the boy that he could wear my jacket, mostly because I could not look in his eyes without turning my face away in absolute shame.

So for the last fifteen minutes of my trip I held my arms in close to my body while trying to act as macho as humanly possible to show that I was not a complete wimp. I dropped my own keys about three times before I managed to get them in the keyhole, all the while with the fucking Savior's brown eyes watching me, so I guess that plan was shot to hell.

"Do you need some help with that?" the boy asked the third time they slipped. I could feel his cold eyes burning holes into the back of my skull. I could not face him, not with what I had done, or, I suppose, with what I had not done. I am sure the question was never meant to shame me, but that is how I felt anyways.

"N-no, I fine." I replied, thanking whatever gods were watching over me when the keys finally went in the keyhole. The door opened with a soft click and I ushered them quickly in from the air. The back door is in the kitchen, so I half expected my mother to be standing at the stove cooking some meal with sweet smelling aromas. "Welcome home, "she would say, than hand me a steaming bowl of grub, "Oh, you poor thing, it is so cold outside. Come in, darling, and sit down by the fire. Are you warm enough?"

Yeah right.

Of course, the kitchen was just as empty as I had left it earlier that morning. I did not bother to check the cupboards to see if my father had gotten any food. We were low on food, and most likely I would have to go get some more from the grocer a block away.

I turned around to my four guests. "Er..." What the heck was I supposed to stay? Gee, would you like to sit down? May I take my coat and sweater from you? Gosh, that was sure frightening this afternoon, so who wants some coca?

My guests apparently did not know what to say either, for they looked around the room and shuffled their feet. Then the tall one stretched his arms above his head. His hands touched the ceiling.

"Hey kid, got any sake?" he asked.

The sound of his deep voice surprised me. And what was sake? I asked him that. His face scrunched up in deep concentration, his mind searching for the right words.

"Damn. No sake. What kind of world is this?" he mumbled. "Um, Sake-no, no, not that...Toshi-, no, that's sake, too...uh, drink."

I stared at him.

He seemed desperate. "Drink? Drink that feels good? Do you understand? You have any? Kami, Fai, what's that word-"

"I believe you mean alcohol." The blond man, Fai, answered.

Alcohol. Right. Of course. My mind was swimming for reasons I did not want to think about. It is so much easier to simply work on one objective at a time. I grabbed the nearest beer from inside the refrigerator and handed it to the man.

There was a heavy silence in the room. No one except the tall man, who was glugging down his beer like it was the water of life, moved. Being the host, I felt it necessary to at least try some conversation with these strange people.

"You wanna sit down?" I motioned with my hand toward the small living room. Fai smiled, his brilliant 32 teeth smile, and took my invitation. The others followed, with only the tall man to stay in the kitchen to finish his beer.

I noticed how the boy put his arm protectively around the girl's shoulders, guiding her to a couch, and then sitting next to her, his arm still around her. She seemed not to notice, or not to care, as I liked to think at the time, as he did all of this.

"Are you sure we are allowed to stay here?" Fai's voice startled me. Heck, everything about this people startled me.

"Yea." I hoped he would ask nothing more.

"Where are your parents?"

"Out." I replied without missing a beat. As much as I tried to hide it, there was a dangerous slant in my own voice. The words, 'and what were you doing out in the middle of the road?' almost came to my lips. Fai must have caught the warning tone because he shut up and started to look at all the family photos hanging up on the wall. Or, at least, what was left of them.

"Do you need to lie down?" The boy asked the girl, completely absorbed in only her.

"No, I'm fine thank you." She nodded her head toward him, and he moved his arm away from her, standing up to look at me for the first real time.

"Hello, my name is Syaoran." He reached out his right hand. "I am afraid I never caught your name."

I shook his hand, his strong grip squeezing my bones. "Torin. Torin Uzoma."

Fai turned to me and bowed his head. "Oh, what horrible manners we have. Shame on us!" He also shook my hand. "My name is really long, so just call me Fai. The rude man over there-" he jerked his head to the tall man, "-is Kurogane-san. He is big and mean, but he won't bite. And this little princess right here," he gestured toward the girl, who had gone from a sitting position to lying down on and closing her eyes," is Sakura."

I waited for a moment to see if any last names were forthcoming. Apparently, they were not, for Fai did not continue and looked at me.

"Would you mind-" Syaoran started, then stopped.

"What?" I asked.

"Would you mind if I wash up?" He turned his palms up to me. They were dirty, with cuts and scratches all over.

"Uh, sure. Follow me." I led Syaoran down out of the living room and down the hall to the bathroom. He bowed his head toward me, walking into the bathroom to wash his hands.

In the mist of his hand washing, I was amazed by his whole nature, slightly jealous. Every single movement he did, whether it was an incline of his head or a sharp tug, was graceful and powerful. He seemed so sure of every movement he did, intentional or not. Why the heck was he here in this town?

My curiosity reached a boiling pointed and before I could suppress myself, the words spoiled out of my mouth. "What are you guys doing here?"

He glanced up at my sudden question, his right eyebrow raised. He said nothing for a moment, studying me. I felt like I was taking one of those huge college tests that said who you were going to be for the rest of your life. The intensity of the look made me nervous and even more curious as to why this odd group was here. What was so important that he could not answer a simple question?

"We were looking around for something." He answered at last.

The absurdity of his 'honest' answer was so outrageous, I laughed out loud. He stared at me.

"What are you doing here in this town then?" I asked, suppressing my giggles.

"What do you mean?"

"You aren't gonna find anything in this place." I felt something nice for the first time that evening. For once, I did not feel like the fool that I had been feeling like since I met this serious, graceful Syaoran. For once, I knew something that he did not and, truth to tell, I wanted to impress him with some of my own knowledge.

"Dude, this town is not a town." I said.

"Why?" My mouth opened up to answer that, but no sound came out.

No one had ever asked me that question before. It surprised me to know that I did not really know what made this town not a town. It never felt like a real town to me, and that's all that mattered. Everyone here knew that, and it was never questioned. People did not ask questions like that, for it was just silly. After all, was a town supposed to feel...like a town. A place where kids grew up and turned into trustworthy adults that in turn led the community. This place did not. It felt more like a...prison. A place where the kids found dope and booze in their parents closets and turned into fucking empty shells with red eyes. But I can't tell him that, not can I?

"Just because." I told him, avoiding the issue altogether.

He looked at me but thankfully said nothing more. When he was down washing up (he washed his hands, splashed water on his face, gurgled with mouthwash, attempted to comb his hair, in the end just ranking his fingers through it, and blew his nose with a tissue) he followed me back to the living room.

The girl, Sakura, was fast asleep on the couch; Fai was covering her up with a plaid blanket.

"I am going to go get me one of those 'beer' things," he announced then left the room.

Syaoran quickly went to Sakura, pulling the blanket all the way up her chin. He rested his hand on her cheek, unaware that I was watching. He must have thought of me a second later, for he glanced up, snapping his hand away, but not before I saw the look in his eyes. It was a chilling, cold look of either desperation, or exhaustion.

I felt wrong and sleazy, sort of like I interrupted some intimate moment between the two.

"So..." I said, sitting down on the floor opposite him and Sakura, "how do you guys know if other?"

He gave me that studying look again, as though searching for something that would tell him that I was worthy of knowing.

"Hey man," I tried before he could give me some crap, "I think I deserve to know something here, right? I mean, I took you in, and those two weirdoes who are drinkin' all the beer. If you guys are running from something, that's fine, I don't care. But if you guys are like ax murders or something then I think I should know, and...and-"

His wasn't paying attention to me anymore. His lips had turned upward sometime during my rant, and now he was on the verge of either choking or giggling. I could not tell what was funny about anything I had said in my little monologue, but he soon began to chuckle, then broke out into a full blown laugh.

"What!" I cried indigenously. "What the hell is a matter with you!"

"Ax murders." he laughed. "D-don't you see- never mind." he continued laughing and talking at the same time, an interesting combination on someone who had not shown more than one facial expression in the last 30 minutes, "I don't think that-well, maybe Kuro-heck, even Fai- but," he laughed, "-if, if,...oh, gosh, I doubt any of us will hurt anyone here."

Somehow, those words did not reassure me in the slightest.

Once he calmed down enough, he continued. "Fai and Kurogane are my...guardians."

This time I raised my eyebrows at him. "Guardians?"

He nodded.

Yeah right, my mouth almost formed the words, but I stopped them in time.

Sakura moved around on the couch. She mumbled some nonsense and noise, twisting and turning her body around. Syaoran quickly stopped our conversation to check on her. After a moment, her movement stopped, and she rested quietly once more.

"What about you and her?" I asked, "Is she your girlfriend?"

He was stroking her cheek again, not as intimately as before, but still in the same loving nature. "Nah."

I waited for some more, but this Syaoran was not in the mood for talking.

He let out a small chuckle, then sat down on the floor in front of the couch. I could see that he was trying to hide holding her hand in an awkward way (his arm was a little twisted around, so he placed his head there to block the view) and I pretended not to notice. "Do you have a sister?" he asked.

"Used to." I said, my eyes staring downward at the carpet.

His eyes widened. "Oh," he breathed, "I'm sorry."

I shrugged nonchalantly. "No big deal. It happened when I was younger. I barely remember her."

"My father died recently," he said, suddenly, as if he wanted to connect with me on some subject, then looked up at Sakura's downcast face, "Both of her parents died a while ago. They were good people."

"I am sure they were." His face did soften after I said that. "What do you do?" I asked.

"I work." he said. Sakura let out another mumble.

"Where?"

"In a dessert. I dig around for old stuff."

I grinned. "Good pay?"

He grinned right back. "Mostly. I get some nice bonuses if I find something worth of value." He held her hand just a little tighter. "What about you?"

"Ug, I just quit my job this morning." I sighed, remembering the events that led me to the bank. "I just got sick of it. There are hardly any places for anyone to work in this town, so you would think I would be pretty lucky, right?" He nodded. "Wrong. All of the managers are asses."

"So what are you going to do?" He asked.

"I dunno. I don't care. I know a guy who fixes up junk. He is a fat liar, but he pays." Reno, my friend, quit school before he entered the eleventh grade to take care of his kid. The kid grew up and joined papa in the family business of taking old cars and scrap metal from the factory and turning it into neat little six by six foot boxes. They hike up the prices as far as they can before someone from the factory comes down and warns them. Reno only lets the factory pay half the price, on account of they give him the most metal (where they get all of that is anyone's guess) but for everyone is almost double full price. He gave me a good beating one time when I got into a spat with his son, but dang, he can tell the best jokes.

"Ever been anywhere?" he asked, and when I shook my head, he shrugged, staring off into the distance. "My father used to travel all over with me. He loved all these different places. Anywhere there was anything to dig up and study, he loved it."

"You really took after him, huh?"

Syaoran smiled. "I do. But I am still looking for my own happiness. He seemed to have found his."

I looked at him with pity. I used to be like that, all hopeful and restless. The world could fit into my palm and all I had to do was pick it up and say, "I want to go here," then, whoosh! Off I would go! But harsh reality came knocking at my door and I had to face facts. The fact that if you are not somebody special, you are a nobody. If you are a nobody, then you can't get away from everyone else who is a nobody too. The fact that if you are in a place of nobodies, no one, nothing, will ever come and save you. That's what happened to me. The one person whose respect I cared about ran out on me years ago and I have not heard from him since. He was a somebody.

"You are in the wrong place for happiness, Syaoran." I said, perhaps much more cruelly worded then I intended. "You won't find anything here, so you might as well leave as soon as you can." The twinkle in his eyes died as he looked at me. I felt a bit sorry for that. I quickly tried to cheer him up again, "Hey, I'll even give you some clothes so you won't freeze to death."

Even though I doubt he was going to let me pry further in his life, my curiosity would not be put to rest. "So, what are you guys traveling all the way out here for? Looking for someone?"

"You could say that, I guess."

I leaned back, stretching out my legs. "Well, you aren't gonna find them here."

"How come?"

It was like the question before, the one that I could not answer. However, this time, I wanted to say something more. "Because no one ever comes here any more. This is a place of nobodies. Anyone who is a somebody and smart gets the heck out of here."

Sakura moved again. She was a restless sleeper.

""And for those that don't?" His brown eyes boar deep into mine, searching.

I shrugged. "They die. Being a nobody."

A beat of silence passed.

"Is that what happened to you?"

I glanced up at him, but the world had turned blurry. I reached up and touched my fingertips to my eyes. Big fat, salty tears had formed. I was crying. "Yeah," I croaked out, swearing to myself right then to fucking stop my stupid tears, because there was no fucking way I gonna cry in front of this dude.

"Who left you?"

"My brother"

"You guys want some food?" I shouted.

Fai, the scary dude (Kuro-something), Syaoran, and the girl Sakura were all in the living room, watching TV. Well, three of them were. Sakura was still sleeping.

"Yummy food! Fai want some!" I heard Fai's voice, somewhat muffled.

"Shut up, meat bun!" Kuro gruff voice said. He had been talking like that to Fai a lot for the last hour. I assumed it was some sort of stupid nickname for Fai did not seem to mind. In fact, he grinned even wider then Kuro called him that.

I reached up and opened some of the cupboards, not surprised at what I saw. "Hey listen," I said, crossing over to the living room, "I am gonna have to go get some food." My mind scolded me for bring these people to my home, and now leaving them. I really did not know much more about them then I did when I talked to Syaoran over an hour ago. After our little chat, Fai and Kurogane had finished their beers (Fai looked a little tipsy) and joined us. I left the room for a few minutes, returning to find them watching TV. There was some sort of holiday movie on, the kind with the ending that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

It took me a while, but I finally decided that these people were completely harmless (Kurogane worried me a bit, but on Syaoran's reassurance I calmed myself).

"Will you guys be ok for a while?" I glanced automatically at Sakura, then looking at the rest of them. It felt too odd to have a woman in this house after so long, and I frankly did not know what to do with her if she woke up. I prayed she would just continue sleeping for the rest of the time that they were here. From the looks of things, it seemed I was right.

"Can I come with you?" A voice asked behind me.

I looked over my shoulder at Syaoran.

I had dug through my closet long enough to find some clothes for Syaoran and Sakura. I did not bother to try and find clothes for Kurogane and Fai, for my father's clothes were far too small to fit their lengthy bodies, and my clothes were...well, mine. Syoaran seemed to like my clothes, for he tried on two or three outfits before he decided on his current one, my black pants and thick red sweater. He also found my hat that I forgot this morning and put that on.

As for Sakura, I had no idea what she would like. I asked Syaoran, but he merely shrugged his shoulders and replied, "She'll wear whatever's cute." Cute? Cute! Like I had anything cute for a girl. All my clothes were fit for working, bike riding, skateboarding, and snowboarding when I saved up enough money (which was like never). They were also fit for the average 16 year old boy, with the baggy pants and the works. I had nothing cute. So I laid out what I thought she would not mind to wear, which was far less 'cute' than the clothes she had on.

"O.k. lets go get you some shoes and we'll go."

By the time we left the house, snow had begun to fall.

"Wow."

I looked over at Syaoran. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the cold air in large gulps. His brown eyes were wide in fascination at the weather around him. I continued walking down the street.

"We don't have snow where I live." he told me, running to catch up.

"Where do you live?"

"Too far away from here. Fai used to live in someplace far north where it snows year round. As for Kurogane, he lived in a forest area with four seasons."

"What about Sakura?"

"She lived where I did, in the dessert. Really hot days, freezing nights, but no snow."

I could picture it in my mind already. Now that is a place to live. A place with no winters. No snow. Nothing to remind me of happier days. "Why did you just stay there? What's the point of coming all way out to this wasteland?" I said, motioning with my hand at the gray houses all around.

"We had to travel; at least, that is what she said we needed. We all had to take a journey."

Those words sounded so familiar to me it made me stop in my tracks. "Who said to you?"

Syaoran continued on walking, even though he did not know where to go. "The person who sent me away. She was really nice."

I let out a breath I had not noticed I'd been holding in. "My older brother used to say that."

"Say what?"

"That everyone had to get out of here and take a journey. He was always reading fantasy books and must've got the idea from one of those. He grew up his whole life here, then one day packed up and left."

We continued on down the road to the river edge. From here it was a short trip over one of the numerous small bridges and a quick weave through a concrete maze to the parking lot behind the store.

"What is that?" Syaoran asked me as we neared the bridge, pointing toward the factory.

I continued on walking. "I don't know. No one does, except the ones that work there, and they aren't talking."

"What's in it?"

I sighed, my breath evaporating as soon as it left my mouth. "There are rumors. A biochemical weapon manufacturing plant. A government factory. It was first build almost twenty years ago. People thought for a time that it would prove really valuable to the economy of the place."

"What happened?"

"Nothing. The factory was built, some weirdoes from other places came, then things went back to normal." We were crossing over the bridge now. Gray skies above showed a tranquil scene, calming and sweet. Hushed lullabies of waves along with salty sea air tickled our senses, preying to our imaginations. There was a certain spot halfway on the bridge, a place that showed its repeated use with proud repaintings and footmarks. The railing was smooth here from the hundreds of hands that ran themselves over it. At this point the horizon presented itself in all its glory, drowning you in afternoon rays.

"I used to come up here all the time with my brother." I explained when I stopped. I could not see Syaoran's eyes from where I was at, but I hoped that they were watching the beauty this place had.

"What's your brother's name?"

"Harlan"

* * *

The drugstore had been owned by the same family for three generations. The Rambochinnies. Everyone simply called them the Rambos. The current generation had three survivors. 

I knew the son best, for he went to my school. All the Rambos had the same completion; dark hair, brown eyes, creamy mocha skin. The son, Amor, was one of the smartest people I shall ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life. Yet his only aspirations were to take over the family business. I talked to him once about this, about how he could actually leave this dump forever, a dream of many, and he replied, "I don't want to. It's probably not that great anyways. Besides, I can live my whole life here."

But why on earth would you want to?

"Take your dick and go screw yourself."

That was the only personal conversation I ever had with him. With anyone, for that matter, in years. And the tradition would have continued until these newcomers almost got ran over.

As we pushed the door open, the smell of pizza raced up our noses, tickling the small hairs. Like dogs, we began to drool. Syaoran was obviously hungry, for his whole face seemed to pick itself up; the corners of his mouth turned upwards.

"Hey! Torin!" Amor's gruff voice called. "Who's your friend?"

Amor was behind the counter, conversing with a small man who had his back to me. I walked up to the counter, my eyes sliding towards the camera mounted on the wall.

"He's a...friend-of the family..." I lied, shifting my eyes from the cameras to Amor's, looking around for any spark of disbelief. His pupils did nothing, remaining the same size. I doubted Syaoran would mind that I fibbed for him and his group. It was not really a fib anyways, just a ...yeah, it was a fib.

"Cool." Amor nodded, turning his large head toward the man, "Be right with you, Torin." As much as I tried to stop myself, my eyes could not help but travel to the man who Amor was talking to. As soon as I saw his face, I regretted it, feeling an instant need to get out as fast as possible.

The man was not actually a man, but another classmate of mine. His name I never cared for, though I knew him by sight enough to stay away. His face was thin and drawn, skin stretched down over his high cheekbones, and red sleeper eyes. He was one of the more notorious druggies of River South High.

Amor was a smart man in everything he did, including business. Anything that smelled of money, Amor was close by, ever so watchful for a good deal. One of those was the drugs that had infected the town's youth. It was a perfect market; young users, introduced in middle school, get hooked on by the time they graduate the eight grade. There was an abundance of new users every year too, for the corruption of the town went far deeper than anyone cared to acknowledge, right down to the inner circles of families.

Amor dealed regularly with kids, mostly at night, so as not to 'disturb the neighborhood', which no doubt knew about it, but turned a blind eye to it. Business was business, no matter what. Anyways. I went back away from the counter, going down some of the aisles looking for Syaoran. He was in the junk food section, his arms filled to their capacity with Ramen, Apollo Choco, soup, crackers, hot dogs, Harman Beans, noodles, and one loaf of bread. I raised my eyebrow at him.

"You don't know how much Kurogane and Fai eat," he said, handing me some of the Ramen and Apollo Choco to hold. I shrugged, thinking about the empty cabinets at home.

"Hey Torin!" Amor's friendly voice boomed from the front of the store. I said nothing, grabbing one pack of gum from the candy rack, motioning with my head for Syaoran to follow me. "Geeze, man, you hungry, or what?"

"Just check it; I want to get out of here." Amor thankfully did not question my hastiness. His large hands grabbed the packages, stuffing them in paper bags, then handing them to me. "Let's go." I did not bother to look back to see if Syoaran was following.

"Hey Torin, wait up," Amor's voice called. I glanced back; making sure my head was low, my chin almost touching my chest, glaring at him with a scowl. It was the universal teenaged symbol meaning, "lemme the hell alone".

"What?"

"Your pop came in this morning. Told me he would be staying away a few days." Amor raspy voice grated against my ears.

"Anything else?"

Besides being the local 'trusting' drug dealer, Amor doubled as a therapist/messenger. Kids regularly came in to buy drugs, then talked to him about anything that came to their minds. This normally ranged from why do cats have strips, to the best methods for ganging up on some poor victim, to the truly profound thoughts of "How do I move my pinky?" Amor hardly ever gave good advice, but nobody cared about that stuff anyways.

"Nah." He clapped his hands together once, then moved over to the donut case, "I would tell you to have a party, but since you're you, I know you won't."

"Bye."

"Torin, man, you need to lighten up, dude."

I pushed the door open without a glance back.

* * *

My worst fear had come true. The moment I opened the door, I could tell something was very, very, very wrong. 

_She_ was fucking _awake_.

_Damnit_!

She was fucking _standing_. In _my_ fucking kitchen. In _my_ fucking clothes. My clothes were not the right fit for her, but that did not seem to matter to her, nor did it hide her beauty, or hide her slim waist, or her small wrists. Heck, she could wear a shitty paper bag and still have that exotic beauty. I simply could not take my eyes off her.

I was getting kinda excited, than I noticed how Syaoran moved to her side, his sure footed, gracefulness, and I knew how foolish I was. Even in the dullness of my kitchen, those two emitted an intimacy and caring ness and love that I had never seen. Sakura would smile up at him, and offer to help put some of the food away. He would nod his thank you, asking very gently how she felt. He would never say it in a prying way, giving her plenty of room for her to make conversation herself. She would dismiss the question, stating how kind he was to her. Their hands would happen to meet each other over the ramen package and then snap away, only to meet each other once more over Apollo Choco.

I felt like an intruder in my own house.

Thankfully, that was as far as their affection went. Besides the occasional hand touching, they avoided each other like the plague. I imaged a high wall between them with a hole the size of a quarter halfway down. Syaoran and Sakura would talk to each other through the hole, but never made any effort to get over the wall.

It was kinda funny.

In fact, it was really funny.

Even so, I left as quickly as possible, not bothering to acknowledge her presence.

These strangers were crazy! Deep jealousy unsettled in my stomach when I thought to Syaoran. The two men were just here drinking up my beer. I suddenly wanted them out. I wanted them as far away from me as possible.

I walked into the living room where Fai and the other tall guy were, watching the tube. Kurogane had taken off his shirt and there were all these scars and burn marks and cuts and bruises all over his whole torso, which like freaked the shit out of me, yet at the same time he skyrocketed up on my cool meter. Just then I had a weird flashback to my brother Harlan, when he was teaching me how to throw a baseball. Anyways, this weird dude who was probably high at the time came up to us and started messing around with us, shouting insults at me whenever I dropping the stupid ball, which made me mess up more, which made me start crying. So Harlan, he was looking so cool, he just took a bat and starting walking over to this guy and took a swung at him, but missed on purpose so the bat landed close by this dude's foot. The dude was so fucking scared, man, he took off running.

Harlan could stand his own in a fight. This guy, Kurogane, right now, in the weird black and white glow of the TV, he was looking so cool, with his shirt off and his scars showing. I envied him right than. Kurogane stood his own in a fight, and he probably beat up dudes too, or at least scared them bad, just like Harlan. I just kinda stood there for a full five minutes, just looking at his chest, thinking about how bad Harlan got messed up in a fight. They stared at the strobe light-like characters with extreme interest. Way too much interest. They reminded me of my druggie friends, and I quickly ran out of the room and down the hall to my room.

My room was like a haven of pure crap mixed in with cool mixed in with some weird mixed in with punk. My bed was a mattress on the floor with two sheets and a navy blue down-comforter. I had all the greatest rock gods posted up on my wall-even some of the lamer ones, who certainly weren't as cool, but man, they had some great songs that I would just listen to over and over and over. The rewind button on my tape player is worn out.

So besides my awesome collection of music and posters and my bed, the only other thing in my room that was not shit was my sweet player. Two big fat speakers and a cassette/radio/CD player. It took me a whole summer to earn that money, but man, I finally did it and it was so cool playing my first song on it.

I didn't give a fucking shit anymore. I was so exhausted by...something. I don't know really. Just everything. This place. This house. My dad. My brother. My mother. These crazy people who seem somehow saner than I am and they didn't even wear snow boots.

The last thing I remember from that night was my head hitting the pillow and darkness.


	2. The end

Author's note: This chapter is dedicated to the only two people who reviewed my first chapter, Musubi7 and 0Link0, and to the other three people who were so kind to add this story to their favorites, Buttonpincollector, darkdranzer, monkeygirlnanoda . Thank you so much. It's things like those that author's remember.

* * *

I like to replay things over and over. Like songs. Or movies. But mostly songs. I find a song or cd I like, and that's what I'll listen to, over and over. Over and over. Over and over, till its burned in my head. Its weird, like, I know. But is calms me down, if that makes any sense.

Yeah. That's it. It calms me down.

I'm not staying that I'm some sort of hyper-active person who jumps around the room going,"Hiya, can I get something for you? Need me to do anything? I can do everything!" I'm not some annoying over achiever or anything, not like that.

But I get these...emotions, you know. I get so angry, I get so ...out of control sometimes. I get sometimes where all I want to do is scream and shout and bash things up. I throw shit, I smash a bat against a wall, I bruise my knuckles. All to get these fucking feelings out of me.

I have poison in me. It doesn't do anything most of the time, it just kinda feds once in a while. It festers there for a while, like a boil before it grows. It starts feeding, and I go fucking crazy on anything that's near me. It like, takes over my body, and my eyes aren't my own anymore, like there part of that poison's. My eyes see my fist go threw the window, getting bloody, they see how painful it all is, and I'm like, yeah, that's good. Hurts, fuck yeah, it hurts. My hand doesn't matter, my bloody fingers and cut up skin doesn't matter. Nothing matter when the poison is in me.

I don't matter.

I wonder sometimes if zombies feel like this. Zombies, you know, the night-crawlers-flesh-eaters of innocence. If they feel any kind of pain, even though they are dead. Because if that's true, then I'm a zombie.

Kinda.

"Man, what the fuck happened to this town?" Asked Kurogane.

I'm walking with him, down to the river. Why? Fuck me if I know.

So, he wakes up this morning, says all the beer is gone (he called the beer "saki" again, whatever the hell that is), and wanted some more. I said we didn't have anymore. He said get up and threw my coat at my face. I said, fuck off shitface, and he then picked me up and dragged me outside. The fucker.

And here we are. Great story, Torin. Yeah, I know.

God, it is so cold. I don't know what time it is. I don't think I have ever actually gotten up this early, like ever. At least, I have never gotten up this early when it was this cold out. It feels like my pants are about to be permanently frozen to my bare legs.

"That," I pointed to the factory.

That damn factory is always awake. Unlike the rest of the town, which seems to have fallen into this eternal shithole that it can't climb out of, the factory never sleeps. It lies awake like some dragon, watching the rest of the town from its high perch up on a friggin hill. For some stupid reason or another, not that I would care either way, the builders of the factory decided it would be an awesome idea to build the giant concrete monstrosity up where everyone could see it. Pretentious, yeah, but hey, this factory was the town's last god damn hope and they knew and we knew it and they knew that we knew it, so they got to do whatever the hell they wanted.

'We were desperate for jobs,' my dad told me once. 'Economy's down the tubes, housing is a joke, what else we got to lose?' Damn. If he only knew that within a few years, his wife would leave him, his son would tell him to fuck off, and he would be broke on his ass addicted to games and shit, maybe things would be different. If only he had known about everything, maybe he would have done things differently, like not start drinking and shouting, or cheating with gambling and buddies when he should have been home.

Haha, yeah right.

"What is that?" Kurogane had this really creepy habit of licking his lips. I noticed it this morning when he first stepped outside in the snow. He reminded me of a big dog. A mean dog. It was like this dude was really an animal, tracking and smelling what was in the air and doing all this other weird shit, all stuck inside a big guy.

"I dunno." I lead the way down my street. There is nothing out right now. Everything is blanketed by a new layer of fresh snow. It look so perfect, it had not yet been mushed up by some four-wheel drive jeep or something. Just white snow, thick and clumpy.

Kurogane gave me his 'you-shitting-me-right' looks, one eyebrow raised just so above his head, his lower lip in mid-sneer.

"You mean this whole town has gone to hell together holding hands, and none of you even know why?"

"It isn't like we don't care," I snapped back, the tone of my voice way harder than I intended.

Kurogane looked like he wanted to laugh. He looked so mean then, his lip jutting out, that one stupid tooth of his peeking through. "Right. You are all wonderful. What a nice town. What kind brats that piss over their own feet, my, so sweet."

I should have known better than to walk around with Kurogane. What a true asshole he was. In the week I had known him, he was always an ass. No matter what, Kurogane's response to something was cold and cruel, and the only time he said anything kind was when he was being sarcastic. You could hear the bit in his words as they tore up and shredded into small bits and pieces anything kind you had just said before. The snarl in his voice would overwhelm anything in my quiver-filled voice, and soon I just gave up fighting with him.

He was nothing like my brother. Kurogane picked on me like Harlan did, sure, and he gave me a hard time, but Harlan was never such a fucking jerk. Kurogane was the anti-Harlan, the asshole that rode into town only to cause damage and ruin people's homes. He wasn't the savior that I first thought of him, he wasn't much of anything other than a drinker from what I could tell.

And I hated him for that. For not being the person I needed.

But still, there was that small hope that hung on like a thread inside me, that Kurogane, would somehow do something to this place. I don't know what, yet. That the guy I saw with all the scars and cuts on his torso from fighting and winning and losing would turn around and shout at the top of his snarl-filled voice, "FUCK YOU!", and save me from this stupid place.

And yet, the guy that stood in front was me who was still so cool underneath the winter coat and scarf, but so mean.

"You're pretty damn short, you know that?" His arm was stretched out horizontally, parallel with the ground, measuring me up. His elbow rested briefly for a moment on my head before I knocked his arm away.

"Oh, tough man, now? Because I said you're short, and that's what you want to fight about?"

"Fuck off already."

"What the hell does that mean?" I'm sure he was joking, but I wasn't sure at the same time. "Is that a curse? Or a joke? Kami, forget it."

Kami. What the heck is a kami? He said that word a lot, and for the life of me, I can't figure out what it is. I don't dare ask him, for that will just give him another reason to pick on me.

They all talk so different. For a whole week I've been watching them. Half the time it seems like they are just learning new words and the other half of the time its like they are using another set of vocabulary altogether. None of it makes any sense when you hear it, especially when talking to that Fai-dude. He is just on another plane of weirdness, the king freak of the uber-strange and unusual.

"This place is a shithole. It smells, too." he said, sniffing the air.

"It's the factory," I replied, "Ever since that was build, it lets off this steam or whatever, and it gets into the air, in the water." I remembered how old city council members tried and failed for weeks to have the factory set some air standards, fearing that the factory was polluting the area. "But now, no one cares."

"Why?"

"Why bother cleaning up a place that isn't going to get any better?"

Kurogane looked up at the factory, sneering. "What a bunch of pathetic nonsense."

I continued to walk down the path. We were moving behind stores now, past the Rambos territory and onto some other school gang. "No, not nonsense. Just real. People not bullshitting themselves into believing some stupid idealist dream that everyone lives happy ever after."

I turned to look him dead in the eye. "Because that is what gets you killed."

Kurogane didn't reply back in his normal, sarcastic voice. "What do you know about death?" His tone was so serious, for the first time ever since I had known him.

"Everything."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

We had stopped moving, and he was facing me, staring down in my eyes. He was quiet for a full minute, just looking down at me. I wanted to look away, but I wouldn't be the first, afraid of losing face with him.

At last, he turned his nose up to the sky, sniffing. I don't know what he saw in me, and I suddenly, I was afraid. What did he see? What secrets did my eyes give away? Who did he see, the zombie me, or worse, the real me?

And for some reason, I thought again on Harlan. He gave me that kind of look the day he left. I remembered it so clearly, and not so clearly, if that makes any sense. It's like if someone outlined the whole scene in a bright light, and then traced over the lines again and again. He and Harlan looked so similar then, I thought I almost saw my brother.

We made it to the back of the liquor shop in little time. I rang at the back of the shop a few times while Kurogane stood a ways off, looking on in case anyone came. Liquor was another thing the local school gangs had their hand in. If anyone seemed to be buying up too much, they would move in and take care of that person.

But I doubted anyone would come by to pick a fight with Kurogane, remembering his scars. Besides being a giant, he gave off that aura of someone not to be messed with. I did humor the thought of what he would do to someone who got on his wrong side. Probably not good, maybe with lots of broken bones.

When I came back, he grabbed the bag from me. "Hey, I paid for that!"

"Come on, let's walk." He knew exactly where he was going. In the first few days, he had memorized the entire layout of the town. "Always know your territory, the land, the winds. You always want the fight to be one on your territory," he had said once, randomly during dinner.

What was strange then wasn't that I was just blindly following (though I was) , but that I wanted to follow Kurogane, regardless of how mean he was or what an asshole he was. I still wanted to follow him, like a solider follows a general, or a brother follows a brother. Kurogane led me around the town for a few minutes, until we stopped on the same bridge, at the same outlook, where Syaoran and I had been a week before.

"What do you see?" He asked, not looking at me.

I shrugged. I saw the same as before, a pretty place, only this time covered in fresh snow. It was a winter wonderland, boring and white. It was a rhetorical question anyways, so I just stayed silent.

"You want to know how I got my scars?" Hot embarrassment flushed my ears. I wanted to know, so badly. But I wasn't going to ask. Again, I stayed silent.

"I killed people, kid. Lots and lots of them."

My mouth dropped down. He wasn't serious, was he? There wasn't an ounce of sarcasm, only a hint of joy, in his voice.

"I had a job, and I was good at it." He looked at me, that sneer turning into a blood-curding grin. "Kami, I was death. Anyone who came to my front door. Or not. I didn't care, really. Death came easy to me." He turned his palms upward, and it was the first time I noticed his hands. Mangled fingers next to poorly healed broken ones attached to a lump of flesh that was burnt and callused. It was a hand, but a hand that had been broken and abused.

"I've blocked fire-arrows with these hands. People have struck my hands with Katana's, intending to kill me by chopping one off and letting me bleed out. But each time, I killed them. There is so much blood on these hands, so much death." He grinned, remembering. "Most deserved it, so you know. But one day, I had to stop. Death is out of my hands, for now at least."

He paused for a moment, only to break the tab open on a beer he had gotten out of the bag. He had one big gulp, then turned to me.

"Funny, though. Death doesn't need my help to kill people." He looked at me. "It finds other ways to kill people, other than me, I mean. (Though I'm the best)" The beer fizzed as he drank.

Maybe he was a bodyguard. That's it. Sure, right, a bodyguard for someone super important, that's why he is talking to me about killing people. Yeah, that's the reason, right....? Someone uber important, like the president of the country or something.

"Kid, you know what I hate the most?" The sun light glinted off his eyes, turning them blood red.

I was too afraid to ask. My hands started to quiver. From cold or terror, or both, I don't know.

"I hate people who give up. You can always see it in their eyes, when they just consume their death inside themselves, like a meal. They feed on death, feed it to fill the emptiness in life. I hate those people." Red eyes, narrowed at me, made my heart stop beating. "And you're one of them."

The air was so cold, freezing me in my place as the words were flown in my face. Had words been knives, I would have been on the ground in a pool of my own blood. At the same time, my mind shut down, turned off, whatever you want to fucking call it. I had nothing to say to him. There was nothing I could say in my own defense.

It was true. All true.

"Stop looking at me." Those red eyes, I had to get away, unfreeze myself, DO SOMETHING!!

"Shut up!" His hand whipped out and grabbed my arm, his fist squeezing. It was like a robot's arm or something, the blood circulation in my arm started to go numb.

"Look at yourself, Kid! You've been dieing for a long time now! And you know what? I don't care!"

"SHUT UP!" Had to get away, had to run away, had to find some dark, deep hole and live there until...

"You're alive, kid! Wake up from this self-pity you've dug. You're awake, you're real. You're not dead, you're not in the ground, though I couldn't care less. You're not worth my time, you worm! You damn yourself to your own fate!"

He was going to hit me, I knew was sure of it. Had to run, had to get away, but his hand was still on my arm! And those eyes, those red eyes, I wanted to look away but I couldn't!

" You're alive, but you don't want to be. That's too bad. You're life is wasted on you, then. I have known lesser people who wouldn't do this to themselves. So stop thinking that this whole world is going to stop and take a look at the boy who lost his mommy. It isn't going to happen. Ever! You think you're the only person who has ever lost something? You aren't. And you won't be the last."

"Leave me alone!" I screamed.

A second later my arm was at my side.

I couldn't see him through my tears. There was so much I wanted to do right then, but I didn't. I wanted to hit him, to scream and shut 'Fuck' in his ear so loudly he would go deaf. I wanted to tear off his arm, gauge out his red eyes. My muscles tensed, but I didn't move. I couldn't. Tears were the only thing I did, and soon my face was wet, my nose was dripping, all humiliatingly in front of him.

"Now that's something different," Kurogane stood over me, smiling. "That was the first bit of emotion I've seen from you."

"What?"

"Here," He handed me a case of beer, which I took. "I opened your wounds. Now the rest is up to you." He started to turn away from me, grabbing the bag with the rest of the beer.

"Where are you going?" I shouted after him as he walked up the hill. "Where the hell are you going!"

"Home! Now that you're back from the dead, you have a lot of thinking to do. So do it, then come back. This," he waved the bag, "will be gone. So pick up some more on the way back!"

Then I was alone.

And I stood there, for the next four hours, coming back to life.

I remembered so much suddenly, it was as though a well had opened up these memories. All sorts of emotions and feelings came spouting up. There was so much I had unknowingly hidden below, the anger at Harlan, my father, my mother, even my baby sister. I remembered how difficult things became after Harlan left, then my mother. My dad buying more and more alcohol, and gaming more and more. We lost so much then.

But that wasn't the whole story. Suddenly, I understood some decisions made by my family, made by everyone.

Harlan couldn't stand the town. Never, even as a small kid he was always running around saying that he was going to be president someday. His dreams were so big and wonderful and you couldn't help but smile whenever he came around. But Harlan's dream was so big, it didn't leave much for anyone else. Anything that didn't help him with his dream of becoming a real somebody, then it didn't matter. First it was high school, which he dropped out of. Then after my father had done a punch-hook combo to his face, (god his pretty face) and that was that. Nothing was left in the town for him anymore, so he left.

Mom, she was so beautiful and so smart, but she wanted so much more than my father could give her. She was the brilliant mind, he was slow at times. She was like Harlan, her dreams couldn't be matched in this small town. But there was a problem; she loved me and respected my father. It didn't make it right for her to leave. But after my sister had died, that was the last straw. She couldn't stay in the town any longer, it had kill her daughter and it was killing her. She had to go, so one day she packed up her bags, kissed my cheek when she thought I was sleeping, and left.

My father had gone from one failed son to a tiny coffin to a failed marriage. The truth was, he was a remarkably good man. He had a respectable job before the factory cut him off; he had good morals; his only flaw was oddly his charm as well; his simplicity. My father wanted a good life, wanted to live into old age and wasn't afraid of doing hard work. If only he didn't marry my mother, who didn't appreciate him. He was a good man, just not for her, and neither she for him. But the bottle and friends in the local pub, they were like him. That's why he never came home after that. He wanted to be someplace where people didn't hate him for 'trapping' them or look at him like a loser.

Throughout it all, the whole town was circling the drain. The 3-Es where always there, the people now together in destroying their lives. No one had turned to help me, neither had I turned to help anyone else. Parents were distant from there kids, kids were distant from their parents. No one talked, no one cared, and together, we were all burying our graves in cold bedrock soil.

My eyes stopped crying, though my cheeks were still red, but from the cold. I saw everything so clearly now. From everything that had happened to me, I had shut myself down and had begun to give up on the world. Nothing could save me, I felt, so why bother being saved?

One day, I had quit my job, gone to the bank to deposit my last check, and walked home only to stumble on some strangers.

And now, I was alive again, thanks to the asshole of the strangers.

I, Torin, was alive in a town of death.

It was a start.

* * *

The soup that night tasted warm and salty. The Fai-dude had made it. Not like from a can, like normal people. No, he made the soup. Really made it, with ingredients and chopped up vegetables that he himself chopped. He did the broth, boiled it over a stove, cut up the chicken and cooked that. He put in the spices and herbs that made it taste good. And he also spent the whole time stirring the pot, making sure that nothing would go wrong.

It was the first meal that I had seen anyone actually put care in a long, long while.

And when I looked around the table, I couldn't help but think, "FOR WHAT?"

The people around the table? What had they done to deserve such a meal? What the heck made them so special that they needed the care and preparation? Why did they get such soup when all they had done all week was hang around my house and occasionally go outside for a few hours?

"Searching," was all they ever told me.

"For what?"

"Memories,"

Yeah right, and I'm the fucking pope.

Kurogane and Fai sat on one end, Fai closer to the kitchen (he had muffins in the oven) and Kurogane hunched over his food like a bear. He used his spoon more like a shovel than a eating utensil. He would scoop up eat bit of soup and lower his head to the bowl as he ate. Fai was prone to quick stabs at the meat or vegetable, picking it up and putting it in his mouth. Then, at the end, he would put down his spoon and fork and lift the bowl to his lips and drink the broth.

Weirdoes, the both of them.

To my other side, it was almost as strange.

The girl, Sakura, was hardly awake for mealtimes. She mostly ate or slept on the couch or in the spare guest room. I wondered how she had ever managed to learn how to walk, let alone not get run over by a car.

There was once this porno I saw once with some friends. It was fucking disgusting, I will tell you that, but the thing is that makes it all the more creepy is the girl in the porno had these huge green eyes. Big, clear, water like eyes. Those eyes were completely mesmerizing. That's something all the dude who was groping her kept on saying, "You've got such pretty eyes," he'd say, like he was fucking complimenting her.

See, Sakura has green eyes.

Now, I am not a sicko. But man, when I catch a small glimpse of those eyes, they're that color. That vibrate jump-out green that reminds you of green shit like trees and grass and that Frog puppet. I can't believe it, but it always make me stare like I'm some sort of deer about to get its brains pummeled into a windshield.

Which, I guessed correctly, was likely if I didn't use those brains to figure out she's Syaoran's girl.

Oh, they don't say anything, none of those clowns do, but I can tell.

The looks, the constant hovering of that Syaoran, the way they orient themselves around the other, as though one of them might forget who the hell they are and wander off.

I slurped my soup, keeping my chin down.

"We are leaving soon,"

I almost didn't hear the statement, but when I finally registered what was just said, I looked up in hast. "What?"

Syaoran didn't look up at me, but repeated, "We are leaving soon."

Oh. Right. Well, then, chaps, so long and I hope you've had a merry time here in a town at the end of the world. What's that? No, you don't have to tell me anything, I like a good mystery, especially after I've been kind enough to give four people a place to sleep at night for a week. No questions asked. What? no, please, don't thank me, really, I'm merely a humble teenager.

Yeah fucking right.

After that lovely statement, the rest of the dinner went by without anything else being said. Sakura fell asleep by the end of the meal, and Syaoran carried her away. Kurogane left to get another beer, and I just sat at the table while Fai fluttered around, cleaning.

I can't believe these people. After all that I've done, all that has happened, or hasn't happened, this week, and they just tell me that they're leaving, no, wait. Not tell, fucking announce that they leaving, and.....what now? That's it? So long, Torin, thanks for being a chump. You didn't think that you were getting anything out of this arrangement, did you? Ha-ha, loser.

Well, actually, I don't know why my fists are clench up in anger. I can't help it.

What the heck has this whole week meant if they were going to leave without saying anything more then when they first arrived?

And I can't help but wonder, is it me? Am I why they are going?

"You've been awfully quite," said Fai. He held a dirty rag to a dish. I don't understand why he doesn't just use the dishwasher.

"So?"

Fai shrugged. "Generally one's silence is really a call for just the opposite,"

"Or it could just mean that I like silence,"

"Right, of course you do. And I'm sure you would make a fine monk," he moved in closer to me, "However, monks generally are not known to show so much emotion on the outside, so if you do become one, I'd suggest that is one thing you'd want to work on,"

"What the fuck?"

"Nevermind, you'd be a horrible monk," he smiled at me, like that was a joke.

He wasn't going to go away. Well, no, actually, he was leaving, and that was just as bad. He was just wasn't leaving right this moment, which is what I really wanted him to do.

"Leave me alone," I said to him and stood up.

"No."

That stopped me in my tracks. "What? You can't just say no to what I said. That wasn't a question. It was a statement."

"No, it wasn't. It was a sad loaded statement, and the fact that you're not leaving right now says more then your words do."

"I'm not leaving because this is my house!" Suddenly, I felt my face get hot. "If you want to go, why don't you just blow off now. Go on!" I advanced toward him, sticking my finger toward the kitchen door. "Go on then, go fuck off,"

Fai sighed.

It was amazing that while I was standing up and red faced shouting, Fai just stood there. The fucker, he even had a tiny curve to his lips, like what I was saying was somehow funny to him. But then again, his eyes weren't amused. They were sad pools of blueish stuff that stared back at me.

"I'm sorry we're doing this to you, Torin. It really isn't what you think,"

"You have no idea what I'm thinking,"

"That we're just abandoning you," The words stung but I didn't let it show. It meant nothing then. They were leaving. What did I matter? Why did I want to matter so much?

I'm alive, I wanted to say. I'm alive for the first time in years, and you guys are just leaving me behind, like ever other fucker who ever mattered a shit to me. My mother, my father, …Harlan. Didn't they see anything of worth that they wanted to take with?

But the words might as well have been concrete blocks, for I couldn't heave them out of my throat.

"Torin," Fai said. His smile had disappeared, and now there was only a straight face looking at me, full of something that I couldn't quite understand. Wisdom, maybe? Truth? Bullshit?

"You have given us more than we can or will ever be able to thank you for."

I felt tears in my eyes. Thanks?

Fai seemed to let his upper body fall, his shoulders slump down, the mask of clowns removed.

"I know how you feel, Torin. The pain of loneliness is something I have…experienced. It is a deep, penetrating feeling that takes over all other happiness in your life until all you are is old and weak. I saw the pain in your eyes the moment we meet,"

"We are all simple creatures, with black marks on our backs to remind us of our pain. The pain of being alone in life, alone in your own sorrows and joy, alone till there is no more enjoyment in life. That which ties us together also is cut,"

"Which is why I need you to understand, Torin," I had never seen him look like this. I'm a dude, you know, but the way he looked at me just then, it was weird. Pretty, almost. "I need you to understand that we are not cutting the strings. We are trying to save others from the pain of loneliness, from the fear of life without anyone who matters,"

At last, I found my voice, though the rest of my words came out scratchy and garbled. "I don't even know who you are. Why me?"

"Fate. That is the answer. Nothing in this world is without fate or coincidence. It is something that connects us all, till the end." He looked up, into the lights, "My own hope for me is to continue living so that others will never feel the same pain that you and I have had. I can not stop, and I never will."

"You didn't answer me,"

"No. Because all you need to know is that fate brought us together, that fate has other plans for you then to let you simply wallow away in an old home, waiting for death. And that whatever change has been brought about isn't only because of our presence, is it because there is something in you that refuses to quit. That refuses this town, that lives on even through all you've been through."

"But Kurogane--"

"Didn't do anything other than relight the fire within. You're the one who has the strength, Torin. You can escape this tower, this prison. And you don't need us to do it,"

Fai stood up and walked away, leaving me alone. But just before he was completely out of earshot, I heard his voice.

"When we're gone, Torin, you will have to move on. And you will,"

* * *

Endings.

It's a funny thing when something has to come to an end. That final close of the door as the four people whose last names I never even bothered to remember walked away later in the week. The end of whatever make-shift family they had they took with them. The sound of the door was one of the loudest noises that my heart had ever heard.

No matter how much I wanted to let it drag out, in the end, it was just me, standing and waving goodbye as they walked down the street. Syaoran walked ahead, Fai and Kurogane side by side, and Sakura.

Sakura. God, those eyes. She was so beautiful as she walked away.

Walked away.

But for once, there wasn't anger in my heart.

I watched them until they finally disappeared and then I went inside my house and gather up some clothes in a bag. It was, as Fai knew, time to move on. The end had come for me in this house, in this town. The end of my own suffering, the end of my sad pit of loneliness. There was nothing left for me to do other than to go away.

Perhaps someday I will come back, for nostaliga, or not. The people I leave here will maybe wonder about me, think about me once in a while if they ever walk past this old, plain house. But then they would move on as well, onto other things of more importance.

'Yeah right'

I wrote to my dad a note, telling him where I was going and if he ever wanted to contact me, he could. But I don't think he's as ready. I left the note on the kitchen counter and then walked out the door, and I never looked back, once.

You were right, Fai.

* * *

Over 10 years has passed since then and I have not seen any of them. Well, expect the times my mind plays tricks on me. And I never got the chance to thank them for all that they had shown me.

Syaoran and Sakura had shown me love, compassion, and trust. Kurogane had shown me strength and opened my eyes up to my death so that I could live again.

And Fai. Oh, Fai. He knew the words I had to hear, in order to move on with my life after they had disappeared.

For that, I can not ever let them down. I am, and will always be, forever grateful. For all that they have done, returning my innocence to my jaded self. For they made me see my life as something worth saving, a life worth living.

Now, to tie up some loose ends.

The factory that the town had lived on for so many years exploded in a freak accident the day after I left. It left a giant crater the size of a basketball court and though there were a few people injured, no one died. The giant smoke could be seen for days for miles around. Authorities came in, clean up, and left the town with questions that never were answered. Instead, a new factory moved right in, but from what I hear, this one is better then the last, and though the town is still struggling, it is better then before.

My father passed away a few years later from a heart attack. He never managed to escape the beast he drank himself into. The last time I saw him, we laid flowers on my sister's grave.

My brother Harlan ended up as a teacher and he has never forgiven himself for how he left me, even when I told him the past is past. Harlan helped me find a job and a place to stay, but for the first few years our relationship was rocky. It still is, but I at least know that he is working on it and doing better.

As for myself, I have gotten myself a girl with green eyes. She loves me, she sees a the whole person that I am, my successes and my failures. My life has another person in it, to whom I am forever grateful. The fire within me burns still.

And so, that is my ending. That is all that I have to say.

Thank you.

Torin Uzoma.

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa characters.

Author's note: Thank you for reading this story. After so long, I can finally end this story. It's been a long time, and I am glad for how this turn out. Cheers.


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